A Black Day

Okay, everyone has there superstitions right? In the book I was reading, four yellow cars in a row meant it was going to be a very bad day. I think if I was going to have a black day it would be based on what I experienced in the morning. For example, this morning I was sitting on the toilet. My mother insisted on talking to me through the door. This makes it a black day for me. I can't really think of anything more uncomfortable than talking while one is on a toilet. I'm a big stickler for bathroom etiquette.
RULES OF THE BATHROOM:

1. Do Not talk to me when I'm in the bathroom, I have pressing matters that need to be addressed and I don't want my mind in other places.
2. In a public washroom, do not stand next to me, this will surely keep me from peeing. Once in grade 11 I had to go to the washroom at MissionsFest in Vancouver, and it was crowded and I couldn't pee at all. I looked silly there standing for eight minutes trying to pee.
3. If for some reason I end up in a bathroom stall, do not throw wet paper towels at me over the partition. That is just mean!
4. Do not listen at the door and ask me if I'm peeing. Janie, that is just strange.
5. Do not describe the loud peeing noise that you might have heard. Anika, because of you I have to pee sitting down to limit the loud pee sound.
6. Do not send your children in next to me to distract and taunt me while I'm peeing.
7. Do not open the washroom door in a restaurant and call in after me. Where did you learn to do that anyway?
8. Do not pee in places that are not marked as bathrooms and tell me about it. I don't need to know. If you pee on a fence at Bard on the Beach, keep it to yourself. Sure it might make for an interesting story but now I know that you've just touched your penis and haven't washed your hands.
9. Do not shake my back around while I'm peeing. I've seen this done and it is very scary.
10. Do not look through the cracks on the partition in public washrooms to try and figure out who is on the toilet.
11. Do not look over or under the partition on a toilet to try and find an identifiable characteristic of a person, such as his/her shoes.
12. Goal oriented washroom use is essential in life, keep the eyes on the prize, don't deviate and leave others to their own concerns.

So there you have it, 12 rules for washroom use around me, I've left 13-45 off, as they are slightly repetitive and involve preparation, the no touch anything rule and various other insights.

You may notice that I have problems, I realize this and I'm working on it. Two years ago for Christmas I told Jordie, my brother-in-law, that my present for him was going to be public urination, since he knew it was kind of a phobia. We were going to pee off of the balcony of our cruise ship, which didn't seem like the best idea, but if you are going to address a phobia, it might work quite well. We couldn't complete the mentioned gift because the balcony was layered in such a way that we would have been peeing into the balcony right below us. This year we may try it again as we are on a different ship for Christmas and it might have a different layout. Probably should leave it to the last day as I don't really want to get kicked off the ship on the first day.